I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I will die if light touches me.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize