You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
