awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize
