put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
