I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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