K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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