The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
