were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
