Do vagina's smell?
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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