I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
