when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
All the doctor said was why
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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