hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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