Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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