I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
