she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
