I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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