you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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