Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
