dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
