yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
