taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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