i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
