i may or may not be watching the land before time
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
