so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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