i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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