it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize