Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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