So drunk, too bad you don't want this
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
