i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
