White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
