you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
