1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
