Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
