I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
