he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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