I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize