There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
