she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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