uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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