Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
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