dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
