i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
