I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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