Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
