pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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