just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
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