I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
