funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize