You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize