She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize