Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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