So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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