Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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