i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
