drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
