you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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