Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
