i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
