Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize