Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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