I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
