I showed him my bush... on skype.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
