He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize