babies were throwing up all over the place
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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