I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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