don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize