i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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