Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
