im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
